I Guess Not
by rib
Summary: Valentine's Day is dangerous when you're a green-haired, green-eyed and secretly green-minded British 16-year-old boy named Lyserg. But more so when you're Lyserg's supposed boyfriend.HaoLyserg. Utter crap. V-day.


Title: I Wonder If -this site- Will Let Me Have 'Vagina' As A Title

Author: Rib

Summary: Valentine's Day is dangerous when you're a green-haired, green-eyed and secretly green-minded British 16-year-old boy named Lyserg. But more so when you're Lyserg's supposed boyfriend.

Rating: T

Pairings: HaoLyserg

Disclaimer: No.

Notes: I feel obligated to post V-day fics. So.

Ah, Valentines day. That one day of the year you're supposed to go an extra mile for that one person you're supposed to love the most. According to social propaganda. But enough with the author's conspiracy theories. Here's Lyserg, all alone on a park bench on the Day of Hearts. The other sadly-single people in the area stare at him, and wonder what a gorgeous young thing is doing on his own. Well, you would too. Unless you're there with your own significant other and are walled in by the pink sparkles.

Anyway, there, over there, _way_ over there, is Hao. Yes, the one behind a trashbin. He's been there for about two and a half hours, watching the Brit. Yes, it is creepy. But isn't it sweet, too? Let's watch as his awe-filled expression is suddenly turn sour.

A young man has approached Lyserg. His boyfriend, this boy named Alfie recently found, was cheating on him. But who the hell cares? Lyserg is Haos. No exceptions.

But then a thought occurs to us; why isn't Hao with Lyserg at the moment?

Well, that's because Hao didn't ask Lyserg out. And why? Because just yesterday, these very words slipped from the greenette's lips:

"Valentines' Day is stupid."

And very conspicuously, Hao tossed the red rose he was holding behind his back at Horo's head, knocking out the Ainu out. Faking a scoff, Hao had agreed.

Aren't they silly? Lyserg had only said that because he thought Hao thought so too. He'd been hoping the brunette would ask him out anyway.

So Lyserg has been sitting on that bench for two and a half hours hoping Hao would change his mind. Or dreaming he would; 'as if that could happen.' But here's this slightly-charming man asking if he's here with anyone. And occupied by thoughts of a Fire Shaman, Lyserg just shakes his head.

Hao, upon seeing Alfie take a seat next to Lyserg, emerges from his hiding place, marches over and kicks Alfie out (literally.) Lyserg stares stunned, and Hao is embarassed.

"Uh..."

"Hi."

"Hey."

"What are you doing here?"

"I was... In the neighborhood."

Lyserg gave a skeptical frown. "Right. Why'd you kick that guy?"

Hao blushed. In a manly way. He was super manly. "He was talking to you."

"And?" Lyserg was a bit irked. "It's not like I'm here with anyone." Yes, Hao, that was aimed towards your heart. And balls. Don't it sting?

"...Yes you are."

"Oh?"

Hao took the seat next to him. "Now you are." and he leaned over to kiss the boy.

The en- No, wait.

"Oh, no you don't," Lyserg pushed Hao away. "Now, that's just unfair."

"What isn't"

"This plotline. The author's just making me seem like a pushover who gets all mushy for forced fanservice."

Hao stared. "So what are we going to do now?"

After a few minutes of thought, Lyserg said, "We're going to have an epic battle, I'll win and-" (Lyserg was supposed to have finished with "we can break all the beds in the house. Again.)

"That's even more unrealistic."

"What?"

"You, winning a fight against me."

Here, we experience technical difficulties because they actually _do_ start fighting. Only, Hao's on defensive because he doesn't actually want to hurt Lyserg. Isn't that sweet? And don't you wish Lyserg would take a chill pill already?

Well, he doesn't because Valentine's day _does_ suck. No, I'm kidding. Are you sick of this fic yet? You can leave now you know. It doesn't get better.

So crap happens. They kiss and make up anyway.

-h

-a

-p

-p

-y

-v

-d

-a

-y

(What? Another fic?)

Lyserg sneezed. "I hate being sick," he said, his voice all nasal.

Hao chuckle, handing him a facial tissue. "You shouldn't have stood under the rain for so long."

"Well, you shouldn't have have kissed me so that I didn't want to stop standing under the rain for so long,"

"I guess it _was_ my fault."

"And bet you even did that on purpose so you'd have me bedridden for a week."

"That would make sense," Hao smiled, "I love having you to myself, after all."

Lyserg pouted. He lifted his arms and Hao leaned forward so the Brit could hug him. Lyserg pressed his lips to Hao's and slipping his tongue in just a bit. He pulled away. "There. Now you can get sick and stay in bed the whole day with me."

Hao gave a smile. "I don't need to be sick to do that."

Yeah. Stupid. Whatever. Happy Valentine's Day.

If you can stand to, please review.


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